Making Compromises

Lots of people are unhappy in their jobs and relationships and know they’re in unhealthy situations but are afraid of making a change.  My mind spins around a lot with thoughts about life so when I hear about unhappy relationships and unfulfilling career paths, I’m left thinking about the many - majority I think - people who find a job they hate so they can afford a certain lifestyle and are in relationships that either make them unhappy or put limitations on who they are and how much they can grow.  Shouldn’t having a job that makes you happy and a partner who makes you more you be non-negotiable and not worth compromising over?  When we compromise on these types of things doesn’t it become a compromise of who we are?  Why does this seem like the first step to becoming disenchanted, disengaged, and miserable?

It’s interesting to me.  Traditionally we spend the majority of our week at work and a lot of our free time with our partner, so it’s baffling that someone would pick something they hate and a person who doesn’t bring out more of who they are.  After spending the majority of my youth very unhappy, confused, and in a litany of unhealthy relationships, I can see that the different paths I’ve gone down and my purpose in life, is specifically to discover what makes me and the people I love happiest and to shun and cut out the things and people who either don’t support that or bring me down.  Every day I think about the direction my life is going and if it’s on track with who I want to be.

As I was driving to work last week I thought about how expensive life can be so I absolutely relate to the thought process of the need to find a stable job, even one you don’t like, to have the outcome of having more money to be more comfortable and be able to do the things you want to do.  But I also wonder if our idea of what comfort entails is off kilter.  I often wonder what the world would be like if we did away with currency and went back to a system of trade and handshakes, if we all put our guards and sarcastic comments away and interacted only with kindness.  I think we’d have more dream chasers and see people walking around glowing with happiness. 

How do people get to be 90 years old and filled with regret?  I think about it a lot and it’s changed the way I live.  More specifically, Who do I want to be when I’m 90? and What do I want my legacy to be?  Time passes so quickly and it seems tragic to spend so much time doing something we hate or with a person who makes us self-conscious and unhappy.  Maybe I’m naïve but I really believe if we find what we love and do it to the best of our ability, financial comfort will naturally follow.  I also believe in true love and having a soul mate.  I believe in laughter, mutual respect, and building each other up out of desire for our partner’s wellbeing.   Given the amount of antidepressants that are prescribed, it seems we’re all on a quest for happiness and the recipe seems so easy.  I’m in no way an expert on life but for years I had a pretty intense battle with depression and for me a return to simplicity – getting excited to walk outside barefoot, taking joy in nature, being good to ourselves and the people around us is part of the answer.  The answer isn’t more money, more things, marriage, doing drugs, or being seen at socialite parties and events.

Something I recently read:
“In many shamanic societies, if you came to a shaman or medicine person complaining of being disheartened, dispirited, or depressed, they would ask one of four questions. When did you stop dancing? When did you stop singing? When did you stop being enchanted by stories? When did you stop finding comfort in the sweet territory of silence? Where we have stopped dancing, singing, being enchanted by stories, or finding comfort in silence is where we have experienced the loss of soul. Dancing, singing, storytelling, and silence are the four universal healing salves.”

I posted this on Facebook and someone added in “When did you stop dreaming? When did Nature lose her wonder?”

There’s merit to these questions and I believe, the path to happiness.