Historically, birthdays didn’t have much significance to me.
It was a day for people to give presents, pretend to be happy, and move on.
They were always a disappointment. Over time, as I learned how to love and
appreciate the people around me, other people’s birthdays began taking on
meaning. I realized what a lovely thing it is to celebrate the day someone
arrived in our world. I believe in celebrating beautiful relationships on a
regular basis but it is nice to give someone you love (or yourself) one day
that is set aside to celebrate them and do whatever and anything they want. An
official ‘give-permission-to-be-you-day’?! I dig it.
Last year my 30th birthday was a significant one
for me. (see blogs: My journey as I approach 30 and Turning 30.) Approaching my 30th inspired me to
let go of fear-based living and to place an even greater value on relationships.
In order to live these things, both really required me to let go of worrying about
what others were thinking of me and to share myself – the real me. That’s why I
started this blog and why I began sharing my art. Learning to be vulnerable has
and is a process and those two avenues really helped me jump into it. I wanted
it more than anything and I am a determined little lady.
This year my 31st birthday present is a trip. More on that to come, but I am SO excited! I’ve found myself saying
a lot lately that I’m not anywhere close to what I believed I wanted my life to
look like at 31. And it’s cliché but true that where I am is so much better
than anything I could have dreamed up. People who know me now would be stunned
to know that a younger version of Liana thought she wanted to be married with
children. To not work. To plan
fancy parties in a fancy house and put on lots of fancy fundraisers. To maybe have a
clothing boutique on the side (so I could shop there – heaven forbid, work
there). None of these things are wrong in themselves at all. But it makes me
giggle to look back on because they are all the opposite of who I truly am and
what makes me happy. They are great examples of the stories I bought into of
what happiness looks like and how to know you’re doing “okay”. I trudged down
the path to take me in that direction for years and became a beaten down
version of me. Today at (almost!) 31, I walk into my tiny 1-bedroom artsy,
hodge-podge apartment welcomed by my 2 kitties and am overwhelmed with
happiness, love, and gratitude. I am not concerned whether or not I am ever in
a long-term relationship because I’m so satisfied and happy just as I am. I
couldn’t be less fancy. I hardly ever wear makeup, walk around in random
outfits, have a lot of passions and hobbies that do not include hosting
parties, love to work, and don’t fit the mold of what I envisioned at 15.
People often comment that I’m really positive or smile a lot and it’s because
my life is full. It didn’t become
full on accident, it’s full because I’ve intentionally made it that way. Those
who have known me long enough have seen the messy journey it’s been. And I can
100% say I wouldn’t change any of it.
Every day, I find myself thinking and saying out loud I LOVE being alive. After spending a
significant number of years not
enjoying life, it feels SO good to be able to say it and mean it. It doesn’t
mean that every aspect of life is ideal, but there’s a leaning into that didn’t
used to happen. I’m okay accepting something that isn’t comfortable or “what I
want”.
Because I accept me, I now accept and love people more
wholly. I used to spend a lot of energy concerning myself with whether or not
people liked me or why someone might not want to spend time with me. And at the
end of the day, just as I can choose that some people aren’t good fits for the
way I want my life to be, others can pick if I don’t fit too. It can still hurt
(who likes rejection?) but I have a deep peace that I’d rather stick to the
truth of who I am than compromise that for other people. Even with the best of
intentions, those types of compromise never work out well.
I love simplicity. I want to flit about and find others who
want to flit around with me. Life isn’t complicated – it’s people who make it
complicated. It’s much easier and smoother when we find other non-complicated,
like-minded people to surround ourselves with. It makes me even happier. I feel
like I laugh all the time and it’s because things fit.
At 15, I could lay out my life plan for you. People ask me
now about different goals I have and I don’t have much that entails anything
concrete. It’s not where or what I'm doing, it's who I am and how I’m
living that are important to me. The rest is just details and increasingly seem
to sort themselves out when down the BE YOU path.
That’s where I am as I approach the next official celebrate Liana day. For now, just 3 more weeks until my next exciting trip. Countdown has begun!
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| A pretend birthday celebration a couple of months ago. Have a you-day whenever you want! |
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